I have been doing a bit of geeky stuff lately — writing WordPress plugins. Okay, it is because I’m suffering from a terrible writer’s block.

You see, I’m supposed to be working on my next book. I foolishly promised a couple of chapters of The Principles of Quantitative Development to my commissioning editor at John Wiley & Sons within a month; now I find myself writing everything other than those darned chapters! Including plugins. Coming to think of it, writing those chapters wouldn’t be any less geeky, would it?

That made me wonder… We all started off as geeks, didn’t we? No use denying it. Remember how our teachers loved us, and the sexy cheerleaders, well, didn’t? Later in life, due to exigencies of circumstances, we may have tried to lose our techie halo and simulate a managerial posture. But, in our moments of panic, we go back to our geek roots. At least, I do.

You think you don’t? Well, check out these geek jokes. If you find them funny, chances are your roots are not too different from mine.

Heisenberg was driving down the highway when he was pulled over for speeding. The officer says, “Do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg says, “No, but I do know where I am!”

Two Hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, “I’ve lost my electron!” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive…”

Geek Pickup Lines:

• Tell me of this thing you humans call [dramatic pause] love.
• If you turn me down now, I will become more drunk than you can possibly imagine.
• They don’t call me Bones because I’m a doctor.
• Your name is Leslie? Look, I can spell your name on my calculator!
• What’s a nice girl like you doing in a wretched hive of scum and villainy like this?
• You must be Windows 95 because you got me so unstable.
• My ‘up-time’ is better than BSD.
• I can tell by your emoticons that you’re looking for some company.
• Is that an iPod mini in your pocket or are you just happy to see me.
• Want to see my Red Hat?
• If you won’t let me buy you a drink, at least let me fix your laptop.
• You had me at “Hello World.”
• Mind if I run a sniffer to see if your ports are open?
• You make me want to upgrade my Tivo.
• By looking at you I can tell you’re 36-25-36, which by the way are all perfect squares.
• Jedi Mind Trick: “This is the geek you’re looking for.” [Waves hand]
• You can put a Trojan on my Hard Drive anytime.
• Have you ever Googled yourself?
• How about we do a little peer-to-peer saliva swapping?
• With my IQ and your body we could begin a race of genetic superchildren to conquer the earth.
• What’s a girl like you doing in a place like this when there’s a Farscape marathon on right now on the Sci Fi channel.
• I’m attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life? Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z are represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

then H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K = 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E = 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

but A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E = 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

and B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T = 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

but look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G = 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it’s the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

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